Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Why I'm a Lousy Blogger

 This is Why I'm Never Here

I always have such great kid-isms, but I never manage to get here to share them. I tried to download the blogger app for my phone, but it won't let me sign in, only sign up and I already have a blog. 

Great story for you

Me: tell Ma what you did to Whitney.
Aly: I bit her fingers
Mom: why did you do that? That hurts Whitney.
Aly: her fingers fell in my mouth.

2 Day Later

Aly: (head butting Whitney) BOOM!!!!
Whitney: aaaghhhrrrhhhhmmmaaahhhhaaahhh!
Mom: why did you do that? You made her cry.
Aly: I said "boom."
My goal for Whitney is survival.

 Aren't the cute? I'll be back soon!

Sunday, October 5, 2014

October Challenge #3

A blog post inspired by the color orange

 I dropped the ball already. However, I have an excuse for yesterday- it was my birthday and my husband and I went to the casino for the first time. I said we should play blackjack. My husband said we'd lose our asses, but okay. I laid down a $20 and the dealer gave me 4 orange and green chips. I had to lay down 2. He gave me 2 more. I added them to my pile. Oh, 22. He took my 2 chips, blackjack! He gives me 3. Eventually, I had 30 of those little orange and green chips, so I took 'em and ran. Not a bad birthday at all!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

October Challenge #2

Your most favorite (or lease favorite) fall fashion trends.

I LoVe fall! The college girl who lives inside of me still loves the hoodies emblazoned with my alma mater or my Girl Scout troop number. They remind me of all the good things about Fall- heading back to college, the red, orange and golden leaves that crunch as you walk across them, haunted houses and the smell of bonfires. Yes, the hoodie is a magical thing!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

October Writing Challenge #1

I love Mama Kat's Writing prompts. It's usually the only blogging I do with any consistency. I didn't realize, however, that she's been offering up a list of 31 prompts each month. When I saw her 31 October prompts, I thought that it might be interesting to do one prompt each day for the month of October to challenge myself and hopefully launch me into a stable blogging routine.

The first prompt is What were you blogging about last year at this time? How have things changed? 

It's pretty interesting that this prompt came up, because last October I turned 30 and I wrote a post declaring my hopes and goals.
6. I'd really like to get my craft business up and running. I have a lot of things that almost feel pipe dreamy to me. I did, however, open an Etsy store. Now i just have to sell somethin
7. As much as I thought I'd never do it, I'd like to get involved with a direct sales company. I have a couple in mind, now I have to get past my own anxiety and take the plunge.
8. I'd really like it if my husband and I could get started on some home renovation by my 31st year!
9. I'd love to downsize my junk. I have a whole basement full of stuff that needs sorted. It's just difficult because I have the attention span of a turnip and a 2 year old.
10. I want to take a family vacation! Just the 3 of us. My husband and I have gone away together (Hershey, PA) and my Mom and the Baby and I have gone (Louisville, KY) but my husband, Baby and I have never gone away by ourselves.
16. I want to be pregnant or have another baby. I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to wait so long now that I miss out on things later. I used to always get angry with my mom for waiting til she was 34 to have me, because she wasn't "fun" like she was when she had my brother at 19. She pointed out that she was more financially stable, so I got to do more than my brother. The grass is greener, I suppose.
17. I want to learn how to make metal stamped jewelery
18. I want to take some kind of class. I feel like my brain is turning to goo, because I don't exercise it.
19. I want to put my daughter in some kind of activity- either daycare once a week, or dance or gymnastics or something so she can play with kids her own age.
20. I want to make a new friend. It's really hard to make friends the older you get and I'm usually so burned out that I don't want to interact with people, but then I'm lonely. Quite the conundrum, if you ask me. (Friendship will be classified by social interaction outside of facebook. Also, being able to reach the person in a way besides facebook.)
I still haven't made or sold any craft items, nor have I learned to make any metal stamped jewelry, but I did get metal stamps for Christmas. My house is still cluttered. I think I need to just accept that I will never be one of those organized people! We didn't do a lot of activities or vacationing this summer, because we were waiting for this little bundle!
My second baby girl was born in the beginning of August, so I guess I accomplished the most important thing on my list! I also put the older one into a Mommy and Me dance class and I have been building a good relationship with the fiance of one of my husband's co-workers. Overall, I think I did pretty well for my 30th year. For my 31st year, I'd still like to take a class and work on my craft business. I'm also planning to become a Thirty-One Indenpendent Consultant, so that should help me make some new friends as well! 

What do you want to accomplish this year? 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Bad Moms have cluttered houses, apparently

I was raised by my mom. Any time anyone would compliment my dad on me, he would say "[Her mom] raised her, I just paid for it" and that's totally true. I only remember a handful of times where I went with my dad when I was young, but when I needed money for something, he was the one to ask. When my mom worked, I stayed with her mom, who lived next door. On Sundays, we all went together to my dad's mom's house. The only time I ever spent the night at my mom's mom's was when someone was in the hospital in Pittsburgh and that was only until I was a teenager- then I stayed home alone and my aunt would come check on me.

My mom is a good mom, but I'm not saying that she did everything right. She's the person who was notorious for saying, "You'd be so pretty, if you would just lose some weight," a statement that became so detrimental to my self-esteem. She also didn't enforce a lot of expectations. She'd yell about my room being a mess or leaving messes around the house, but there were never any set chores or consequences. She also didn't do a lot of cooking and we rarely ate family meals together.

My husband was raised a bit differently. His dad was a SAHD, while his mom worked. My husband also spent a lot of weekends at his Pap-Paps house. He regularly stayed their until we moved in together in our 20s. However, even though my in-laws house is uber organized, they didn't instill that value in my husband, so it really irks me when he criticizes me and my housekeeping. I've seen my husband clean up. He never left cans or bottles sit around when he lived at home, so I know that he knows how to do it, but he is constantly leaving a pyramid of cans in the livingroom or on the kitchen table, so you can see how the following exchange sent me over the edge...

The house is a disaster zone right now. I'm hugely pregnant. HUGELY. Remember, at term, my daughter was 10lbs, 9oz, so I'm not carrying a tiny baby in my womb. She's probably hanging around the 6.5-7lb mark right now and still growing. This makes it hard to bend over or stand for long periods of time- all things that are essential to housekeeping. He likes to point out that the house was a mess before I was pregnant, but, in my defense, it's hard to do by yourself. Both my husband and I get stressed out because the house is a mess and we just can't seem to get it under control. Unfortunately, feeling stressed and overwhelmed can lead to arguments. So, just recently, while feeling stressed, my husband yelled at me, "You have values! You're going to ruin our kids! You're a bad mom!" DEFLATE.

"You're a bad mom." "You're a bad mom." "You are a bad mom..." How do you come back from that? "You're a bad mom."

I'm not. I'm a good GREAT mom. My daughter is smart and sassy. She knows how much she is loved. We play and laugh and act silly. I'm a great mom. I may not be the best girl scout leader or the best wife or the best daughter or sister or friend or employee or house keeper or driver or planner, BUT I am a great mom and the best one for my girls.

I do want to find some order in my house, not for my husband, but for my kids. And myself. There is a great blog that I really like called Delightful Order. DaNita has a great entry on "Where and How to Begin Organizing Your Life". I think it's time that I find some order in our house. I've thought about where to start and I think the best place will be my daughter's room. 1.) Because her clothing is an issue- it's all over the house and I can't get around the toys to her dresser to put them away and 2.) Little Sister will be moving in there as soon as she is sleeping through the night. My husband has decided to do an all night clean, so I will stay up as late as I can with him and then he'll have to finish. Aly will have a sleepover with my mom. I'll let you know how it goes!

Anyone have any organizational tips? 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Writer's Workshop- Summer, Summer, Summertime

The Prompts:
1.) The first day of Summer was June 21st…how did you spend it?
2.) The last movie you saw in a theater.
3.) A blog post inspired by the words: setting sun
4.) Create a summer play list and share it.
5.) Talk about a club from your childhood you belonged to (or wanted to belong to).

I actually forgot that Saturday was the first day of summer until later in the week. Our 5th wedding anniversary was Friday, so we went out to eat. My husband got a double Falcon burger, which was 2 5 oz burgers with cheese and a fried egg between 2 grilled cheese sandwiches.

 He's not a fan of facebook, but he was so excited about this burger that he told me to take a picture to post!

 and took Aly to the train station when we heard the train whistle blowing, because she is crazy about the train. Apparently, my husband walked away with scratches. The first train scared her, but she lost her mind when the Amtrak rolled in.

The next day was June 21 and I forgot it was summer! I had a breastfeeding class at the hospital that morning and left feeling more empowered and hopeful for a better time with this baby than with Aly. After I picked Aly up at my mom's, we went home and napped. Later we went to my mother-in-law's house for her birthday, but she forgot to make herself a birthday cake, so no cake.

Next year, I hope I can remember to take a pause to celebrate summer! Maybe some park time, watermelon... mmmmmmm..... I can't believe that it is almost July! It feels like it was just winter!!!

Mama’s Losin’ It

Monday, May 19, 2014


Life is full of milestones: first steps, first words, first day of preschool, preschool graduation, first date, first kiss, first day of high school, getting your licenses, high school graduation, going to college, graduating from college, turning 18, turning 21, turning 30, getting married, getting pregnant, having your first baby, having your other babies etc. The list goes on and on.

I wanted 3 kids. I thought about how full my kids' lives would be if they were a trio. I told my mom that it would be nice because if one turned out to be a jerk, they'd still have the other one. She laughed, figuring that I was referring to my older brother.

I also didn't want this to be my last pregnancy with all its milestones: last time "trying" (which doesn't take a lot of time for us), last first positive pregnancy test, last second, third, fourth... ahem... tenth positive pregnancy test, last surprise announcement, last first ultrasound, last time finding out the gender, last time someone will kick inside my belly, last time that a hospital stay will ever be like a vacation, last time counting someone's age in days... you get the idea.

I'm so frustrated with this pregnancy and the care I've gotten. The one doctor has been very rude. They won't let me VBAC. They're sending me to Magee Hospital for ultrasounds rather than doing them in the office for a bunch of bullshit reasons. One of them being that since I had to do an anatomy scan there (because the baby wouldn't roll over so the tech could get her spine), so the doctor told me that since I had a growth ultrasound at Magee, then I have to get all my growth u/s at Magee because they have a different growth scale. Sounds ridiculous to me.  Magee is at least an hour away, more depending on traffic. I have a job, yo.

I failed my one hour glucose test and have to go for the 3 hour now. My blood pressure was high. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed after this. I'm not bonding well with this baby now and I'm just a hot mess. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. I'm filled with dread about another c-section. I don't feel anything positive in any of this. "Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces."

I think it's time to consider a tubal ligation.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Writer's Workshop- Vacationing

The Prompts:
1.) A quote from someone that has stuck with you.
2.) List 13 things you love about vacation.
3.) Public speaking.
4.) Something you got away with.
5.) If your family were dogs, what breed would each of them be?

I miss vacations. We took a day trip to Hershey a few weekends ago, but we haven't had a real vacation in I don't know how long. This year, my husband's pap-pap offered to take us to the beach but he wants to go in early September and I'm having a c-section the beginning of August, so that won't be a feasible trip. Here's 13 things I love about vacation:

1.) I love history, so I'm all about the museums and such. We visited me nephew in Indiana a few years ago and went to the Louisville Slugger museum and that was awesome.

2.) I'm not at work.

3.) I can go back to work and feel more patient with our clients.

4.) My daughter gets excited about trips now. She's been telling me she wants to go to the zoo for a week.

5.) While my husband hates it, I love to stay in hotels.

6.) Speaking on hotels, I love getting great deals on the travel websites like

7.) I like going somewhere warm, so SUNSHINE!

8.) we collect postcards, so I get to add new ones to my stash

9.) I get to sleep in!

10.) Someone else does the cooking.

11.) Sightseeing

12.) Sightseeing!

13.) Spending time with my family :-)

What your favorite place you've vacationed?

Mama’s Losin’ It

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Writer's Workshop- That problem with my wedding dress

1.) List your top 6 biggest fears, choose one and tell us why.
2.) Whose fault was it?
3.) Share a favorite recipe.
4.) Something you’re reading.
5.) Write about a wardrobe malfunction.

Nearly 5 years ago, I took a boy and decided to shape him into a man married him. FIVE years next month. Holy cow. It really seems like yesterday.

My wedding went pretty well. I wouldn't say "it went off without a hitch," because we had some moments. One of them being a Bride's Wardrobe Malfunction.

For starters, I have to say that I LOVED my wedding dress. I'd picked a similar one when I planned my dream wedding in college. You know, before I was even dating my husband.... oh, what I could have done with Pinterest then....
It was by Alfred Angelo and I loved it. My only beef was that the girls at the Alfred Angelo's store ordered it a size too small, so I have to pay to have it let out. (They also tried to order my bridesmaid's dress in a 24 when she needed an 18. So, apparently, you've got to watch them.) I was really excited about the eggplant trim and the embroidery on the front. It also had a beautiful corset style back in eggplant.

My wedding theme was a Disney Fairy Tale, so I was really excited when I found a Mickey and Minnie garter set on Ebay. The problem was, that it was too small for my leg, so my BFF's mom took the bride's garter and the toss garter and opened them up and sewed them both together again, so that it wold fit my leg.

(You can't bend over in a corset dress, FYI)

So, we were in the middle of our Unity Sand thingy-ba-do and I felt my garter start to slide down my leg! No fear, I had a floor length dress on, so I'd just casually kick it off.... 

It would have probably worked too, if my bridesmaids wouldn't have busted out laughing, which make me explode in laughter. So, I did the only thing I could think of when I was staring out at a church full of confused faces...

I loudly announced: 

"I'm losing my clothes!"

I walked away from that day with the best wedding advice I can give to a bride-to-be: Things will go wrong on your wedding day, but just kick 'em off, laugh loudly and have the best day of your life!

Mama’s Losin’ It

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Writer's Workshop- A Day in Chocolate Town!

I've been slacking again on my blog (sorry, growing a human is time-consuming!)
But, I did manage to take a recent trip (just this weekend!) But I'm limited on pictures, since I forgot the camera.
1.) Let’s reminisce about the last trip you took…pictures please!
2.) Ask a parent to describe what you were like as a small child (under the age of 7), do you still have the same tendencies?
3.) Begin with “I wish someone told me…”
4.) Write a poem about a fight you or someone you love has struggled to win.
5.) List 10 things you love about your favorite show.
We went to Hershey, PA on Sunday. My husband shoots competitively and he wanted to go to a match outside of the Chocolate Capital of the World. Because of our pets, it takes massive coordination to go on an overnight trip, so we opted to just make the 7 hour round trip in one day. With a 2 year old. Easy peasy, right? Well, surprisingly, it kinda was!
We left home at 430am. Hopped on the PA turnpike and cruised along, all alone on the road. Because, who else is on the turnpike that early on a Sunday morning? The kidlet slept most of the way.
We made it 2.5 hours into our trip before I needed to pee, which I thought was very impressive!
We stopped in Hershey at Wal-mart to use an actual flush toilet, because the sportsman club only has portapotties and who wants to do that when you don't have to?
The kidlet and I dropped her dad off and headed back towards Hershey. We stopped at McD's, ate breakfast and headed to ZooAmerica! ZooAmerica is a small wildlife center that has animals from North America. Since we have a membership to the Pittsburgh Zoo, we got a 50% deal on our visit there, getting us in for a mere $6.04! We were on limited time, so we didn't linger for long periods at the animals, since we had to pick up kidlet's dad at noon. But, we made it through in about an hour and had time to stop and see all the critters and even had time to feed the ducks!
The biggest drawback was that their parking lot was under construction, so we had to park at the top of the hill on Chocolate Ave and then walk down to the zoo. The walk down wasn't bad, but the walk back up nearly killed this pregnant mama! Well, maybe not kill, but I was huffin' and a puffin'.
If you're planning a trip to Hershey, I would recommend a visit to this zoo. I wouldn't necessarily plan a trip JUST for this zoo, but it is a nice change of pace from lions, tigers and elephants that you see at traditional zoos. This zoo also put you much closer to the animals than we've experienced at Pittsburgh Zoo. One of my favorite parts was being able to see the river otters cuddled up together in their log! They also have a "Desert at Night" exhibit where all the enclosures are darkened so you get to see the nocturnal animals awake! They had ringtails, ferrets, a fox and a coati (as well as some other cuddlies and creepy crawlies!) who were running around and VERY active. I figure they turn on all the lights at night, so the critters sleep.
As soon as I lifted her up to look through the glass, she exclaimed, "Alligators!"
Bald Eagles always impress me in person. They are HUGE!
"Wake up!" The deer didn't care.
After we picked up Dad we went to Chocolate World and bought some factory fresh Kisses (I got coconut crème Kisses. Amazing!) There really is nothing like candy straight from the factory. I'm not a Twizzler's fan, but they are delicious from the factory. We took the factory tour ride, got our chocolate sample and started our trip back home.
I think old Chocolate Face enjoyed her trip to Hershey!
Mama’s Losin’ It

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What is the hardest job?

Did you think I was going to say motherhood? Because that's what I thought of when I saw a similar headline on a blog that I frequent. I'm sure most of you have seen the viral video where American Greetings posted a job opening for a job. The #Worldstoughestjob included: no pay, no vacation time, 24 hour on call schedule, requires a high level of stamina, and no breaks just to name a few requirements of the job. I've noticed a trend in the mommy-blogging community where moms are discussing how hard the job on mom is- mom has to be the housekeeper, cook, chauffeur, nursemaid, referee etc and honestly, I'm starting to roll my eyes at it a bit.

Now don't get me wrong, your life does a complete 180* when you have a kid. I used to take naps after work before my daughter was born. That doesn't happen anymore. My husband and I would lounge around in bed on weekends and laugh and talk and that can't happen anymore, because the slightest noise will wake the kidlet up. I could quickly stop at the store on my way to work to grab a cappuccino or pick up something for lunch. I got to sleep an hour later than I do now, because I went straight to work and didn't have to wrestle a sleeping toddler into a winter coat, carry her 33 pound, lifeless, little body to the car and drive her to my mom's house. If I was tired at night, I went to bed. I didn't have to wait for someone to give up the "I'm never going to go to sleep and you can't make me" fight. Oh, and don't get me started on what happens to your sex life when you have to choose between sex and sleep when the wee one finally gives up the aforementioned good fight. (Hint: sleep usually wins. This is why I recommend waiting a few years to have kids! Take the time to bang each other silly ;-) )

But when people talk about it being the hardest or toughest job, I don't know if I buy it. Sure, I have less "me" time and I get less sleep. I'm constantly tripping over toys and stepping on blocks. Oh, and don't forget that a large chunk of the digital entertainment in my house is cartoons... I could think of a lot of jobs that I'd rather not do... like the guy who came and pumped our septic tank. On the scales of tough or hard, I'd give it to that guy. I mean, I have to deal with poop regularly, but it all belongs to my kid and not a bunch of strangers (and it's usually contained inside her diaper). I worked for the Department of Transportation one summer and I worked in sweltering heat, in jeans and vinyl leg warmer type things. I was constantly stung by bees. I would have to hold my pee for an extraordinarily long time... I'd have to say that was a tougher job than my experience with being a mom.

Maybe I don't have the best sample pool. My daughter has slept through the night since she was 3 weeks old. Sure, she had colic and that was hard. I was a new mom and an inconsolable baby is crazy scary, but once she went to sleep, she stayed asleep. She's good at entertaining herself. She'll happily stack blocks, ride her tricycle between the living room and kitchen for an hour, draw on her chalkboard, throws her garbage away, puts her shoes by the door... heck, she even likes to push the swiffer mop across the kitchen and will ask for it when the dogs have tracked muddy footprints across the floor. And there are some days where I need to call my husband and find out how long until he's done at work, because if he's going to be too long, he may come home to find her duct taped in the closet (luckily for her, we don't have closets). But those days are few and far in between and usually happen when she can't control the urge to splash in (or drink from) the dogs water bowl. The biggest "negative" is the bedtime fight, which leaves me dragging and without a lot of evening free time. But I can't really blame her for that. I could work harder to establish a bedtime routine, which would probably ease some of the bedtime drama. I could also start earlier and have her in bed before 9pm, leaving myself some free time. Of course, things will come up. She'll get sick and I'll sit up all night rocking her (and worrying, don't forget the worrying). She'll have nightmares and crawl into bed with us. And Heaven help us, she'll grow into a teenager one day. But stuff happens in a "normal" job. After all, I work into mental health, so I've seen people smash windows with their head, talk to people who i can't see, have full on out screaming fits and threaten us with bodily harm, so again, I may not have the best pool.

I do have to end this with saying that I don't think parenthood is for everyone. It changes your life. It changes your hopes for the future. It changes your goals. Your life is no longer yours and yours alone. It changes how you spend your money and your time. It changes how you travel and the types of vacations you take. I think it's wrong to assume that all women are cut out to be mothers and that all women should be mothers or want to be mothers or that childless women will regret it later in life if they don't have children or that, as mothers, we should pity the childless woman. I don't think that having kids makes you happy, I think that following your dreams makes you happy. My dreams just happened to lead me to a sweet, quiet, brown-eyed girl who has an eerie resemblance to me and her little sister who already seems feistier than her big sis and will probably make me change my whole outlook on how "tough" being a mom is!

DISCLAIMER: Before you send me hate mail and tell me how hard it is for you and yadda yah. I'm not dissing moms in anyway. I especially admire the moms who have special needs kiddos and have given up most of their self to help their kid(s) live a fulfilling life. If you need an example, just read about January Schofield, a now-teenager who has been struggling with schizophrenia since she was a toddler. Her parents got different apartments in the same complex- one for each of their children and mom and dad switched back and forth between them. I realize that some parents face more challenges than others and I give you props for the struggles that you experience. Sometimes, parenting sucks and can suck bad, but we do it every day for the same reason- we love our kids more than anything else in the world. Shalom.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

I think I have PTFD

PTFD- Post-traumatic Fat Disorder

I've come to terms with my weight. Would I like to lose some? Absolutely! But I don't hate myself because of it. However, clothes shopping can make my embrace waiver and it goes back to growing up.

I didn't know plus-sized stores existed. I didn't think that they sold jeans to fit me (and I was an 18 then!) Okay, I take that back. I knew jeans with elastic waistbands fit me, but those are old lady jeans. So, instead of jeans, I wore stirrup pants. Cuz, you know, that was waaaaayyyy cooler than old lady jeans. But they fit.

I'm okay with top shopping, but when it comes time to get bottoms, I panic. They have to be *just right* and never, ever have elastic waistbands, because I'm still not old. My husband's grandfather wanted to buy me jeans for Christmas one year, so I told him what size and that I didn't like elastic in the waistband. His old bitty of a girlfriend went shopping for him and bought me jeans with an elastic waistband. When I asked for the receipt to return them, she said "When someone is your size, they have to have elastic waistbands!"  Screw you, bitch. None of my other jeans do and they are my size.

I'm really freaking out now though and dealing with body image issues because of my pregnancy. With my daughter, I lost 18 pounds and didn't start to gain until my 3rd trimester, so my pants fit me well into summer. I didn't need to buy pants until it got warm, so I bought several pairs of cotton capris with elastic waistbands (which is okay, it's just jeans that give me trouble.) Well, now this is baby number 2 and I popped out way sooner and even though I did lose 15 pounds, it's already coming back (thankfully, very slowly) and I've found myself in unbuttoned blue jeans with 2inches of snow on the ground.

I refuse to buy fat pants. 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Letter to my Second Child- Gender

My Dearest Baby,

I'm going this afternoon for my anatomy ultrasound and will hopefully find out if you are a girl or a boy. That is assuming that you'll show us, because you are quite the spunky little mover and enjoy kicking me hard in the bladder. I have a feeling that you are a boy and, I shouldn't tell you this, but that scares me some. Not that I love you any less for it, because I love you and your sister more than anything; but because I don't know how to raise a boy. I'm a girl, I have a girl, I'm a Girl Scout Leader, most of my friends are girls. I know girls. I don't know boys, so how can I raise you without you feeling hurt or left out if I can't relate to you.

I know I'm probably over thinking this (which I usually do) because women everywhere raise boys- single child boys, boys with brothers, boys with sisters, boys with both brothers and sisters... and they turn out okay.

I guess it's not so much having a boy, it's my fear of being able to raise a boy to be a man. Because honestly, not all boys grow up to be men. I want to raise you to be respectful, but not afraid to express yourself. I want you to treat women gentlemanly, but I don't want you to look at them as weaker and needing to be submissive to you. I want you to learn to listen to others' thoughts, concerns and opinions and care about how they feel. I want you to date "nice girls" and not skanky ones that you only date so you can bang them in the backseat of the car (which will probably be the 1994 Escort, because that thing is never going to die.) I want you to have passions and interests and follow your heart. I want you to be driven and motivated. I don't want your world to be ruled by beer, or cigarettes or god-forbid, drugs. I want you to be strong enough and convicted enough to say no. I want you to be able to say no to your friends when you don't agree with what they are doing.

I want you to be close to your sister and trust each other and support each other. I want you to grow up and talk on the phone or go out to lunch with each other. Your uncle was grown by the time I was born, so that's a dynamic I don't understand, so how can I teach it to you?

I hope I do right by you, baby. I want you to know how special you are and I hope I can help you grow into the man you're meant to be.

Love, Mom.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Letters to My Daughter

I've struggled with my weight since I was 10 years old and it's almost always gone up and never down. My mom used to yell at me that I would die young and I told her that I didn't care. But, now my life isn't mine. My life belongs to my daughter and the new child growing in me.
I joined a gym and gained weight. I stopped drinking pop (most of the time) and I gain weight. I don't buy chips, candy or cookies for the house and gained weight. I feel kinda hopeless.
I know it's kind of morbid, but I worry about dying and leaving my children, but not just because of my weight. People die unexpectedly every day. My step-nephew, at 17 years old, got in his truck to drive to work, hit black ice, ended up in a ditch, walked for help and later died from internal bleeding.
There's also been two incidents in the news where pregnant women ended up brain dead, so you never know. You never know.
 We never know when our number will be up. We like to think that we will die old, after a life well-lived, and that's probably true for most of us; but life doesn't come with a written guarantee.
We look forward and think about future milestones- when our kids graduate high school, go to college, start their careers, get married, have babies etc. We plan on being there, but it doesn't always happen. When I got engaged, I was so excited that my dad was doing well. He'd dance with me at my wedding (amid protest, cuz that wasn't his thing.) But he'd be there. Then, almost 6 months to the day, he had a stroke and didn't make it.
So, again, I don't want to be morbid, but I want to leave something for my kids. My own words, to tell them the things they need to know- how much I love them, how to know that person is "the one," how to parent a child, how important school is... When parents find out that they have a terminal illness, they create cards for their kids' birthdays, graduation, wedding days.. every milestone they will miss. Well, I suck at cards. I suck at pen and paper writing in general. Even before we had a computer, I sucked at it. I always wanted a pen pal, but then I learned that you have to write letters and I was all like, "screw that."
But, my blog, I can handle that. Maybe at some point, I'll turn them into a book for each of my kids.
So, welcome to my new series- Letters to my Children
My Dearest Aly,
My world started the moment I heard your first cry. When you cried, I cried. I held you all night long that first night. It took your dad a little longer to see the magic in you, but that's okay- Moms are born with their babies; Dad have to be cultivated and grown, but you can look at the pictures and tell he's smitten with you.

You are my best friend. You make me laugh and smile more than anyone else. It melts my heart when I heard you calling, "Nommy! Nommy!" I adore the way you wrap your arms around me and gently pat the backs of my arms (much like I pat your back, but your arms aren't long enough yet!) You're awful tight with hugs and kisses, so I appreciate them extra.

If for some reason, you're reading this and I'm no long here, know that my last thought will be about you are your sibling/s, because my life started with you and it will end with you. My love for you will keep us together until the end of time.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Writer's Workshop- Spoiled

I'm kinda a day late and a dollar short, but I wanted to join into Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week.
The Prompts:
1.) A blog post inspired by the word: Spoiled.
2.) A favorite candy when you were a child. Is it still a favorite?
3.) You know you’re getting old when…
4.) Something that frustrates you.
5.) A time a stranger helped you.
Before I was a mom, I said all those, "never"s and "always" that a non-mom says: "My children will NEVER sleep in my bed." "My children will always have a bedtime that we stick to." "My children will never watch tv." "My children aren't going to have a ton of toys." "We're not going to hold her while she sleep" (this one actually caused an argument in my hospital room when she was born. My MIL didn't like it when I told her to put the baby down.) Yeah, I know. Hilarious right? My kid is S-P-O-I-L-E-D!
Here she is eating take-out, in front of the tv, wearing mardi gras glasses, because she like sunglasses, so she has a billion pairs. Don't forget her beads and slap bracelets, because she likes those too and also has a billion or so.
She goes to sleep, most nights, in our bed and then we carry her to hers. Sometimes, she wakes up and gets back in bed with us. I always said that she would never sleep in our bed, but when you look into those sad, little eyes, you just melt into a puddle of goo.
Speaking of sleeping, she used to nap on top of my mom (and still does occasionally.) My mom blames it on the colic she had as a newborn.
My husband yells about the abundance of toys. Toys, toys, toys everywhere!
One of the first words she mastered- Cookies. And, hey, I'm a student of psychology, so I believe in positive reinforcement. "Here, kid, here's your cookie."
My mom just baked her cupcakes yesterday, because she kept following her around the kitchen saying, "cupcake." My mom rarely cooks or bakes, btw
The truth: I really don't care that she's spoiled. One day, she'll stop wanting to sleep in my bed. The toys will be replaced by electronics and she loves to eat fruits and veggies, so then, so what if she wants a cupcake or cookie?
My only concern is that her world is going to change in August when drumroll.....
her new brother or sister gets here!
Mama’s Losin’ It

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Writer's Workshop- my dog Odie.

1.) A childhood pet…where are they now?
2.) Share one of your “did that really just happen to me” life moments.
3.) The last thing you felt guilty about.
4.) List 6 things you do as a parent that you swore you would never do.
5.) The best part of my day is…

I got Odie when I was 3. He was born to Trixie, who my mom said was my dad's dog, because she had told him she didn't want a girl dog and he took her anyway. I named him Rascal, but my brother renamed him Odie, because he wasn't the brightest bulb in the box. Looking back now, I have a lot of guilt around Odie. He was a sweet, lovable dog, but he was an outside dog, so he didn't get as much love as he should have. When he got sick, his legs gave out in the back and I'd come home from High School musical practice and found him crying in a mud puddle in the rain. I lifted his 70lb body into his box and gave him a can of wet dog food. I reached in and petted his head and he licked my hand. My dad had him put to sleep the next morning and buried him behind my grandmother's house with his mom Trixie and his uncle, Hutch. I've often thought about him at the Rainbow Bridge. I hope he crossed with my Dad, but I'll be excited to give him the love he deserved here!
Mama’s Losin’ It