Friday, July 11, 2014

Bad Moms have cluttered houses, apparently

I was raised by my mom. Any time anyone would compliment my dad on me, he would say "[Her mom] raised her, I just paid for it" and that's totally true. I only remember a handful of times where I went with my dad when I was young, but when I needed money for something, he was the one to ask. When my mom worked, I stayed with her mom, who lived next door. On Sundays, we all went together to my dad's mom's house. The only time I ever spent the night at my mom's mom's was when someone was in the hospital in Pittsburgh and that was only until I was a teenager- then I stayed home alone and my aunt would come check on me.

My mom is a good mom, but I'm not saying that she did everything right. She's the person who was notorious for saying, "You'd be so pretty, if you would just lose some weight," a statement that became so detrimental to my self-esteem. She also didn't enforce a lot of expectations. She'd yell about my room being a mess or leaving messes around the house, but there were never any set chores or consequences. She also didn't do a lot of cooking and we rarely ate family meals together.

My husband was raised a bit differently. His dad was a SAHD, while his mom worked. My husband also spent a lot of weekends at his Pap-Paps house. He regularly stayed their until we moved in together in our 20s. However, even though my in-laws house is uber organized, they didn't instill that value in my husband, so it really irks me when he criticizes me and my housekeeping. I've seen my husband clean up. He never left cans or bottles sit around when he lived at home, so I know that he knows how to do it, but he is constantly leaving a pyramid of cans in the livingroom or on the kitchen table, so you can see how the following exchange sent me over the edge...

The house is a disaster zone right now. I'm hugely pregnant. HUGELY. Remember, at term, my daughter was 10lbs, 9oz, so I'm not carrying a tiny baby in my womb. She's probably hanging around the 6.5-7lb mark right now and still growing. This makes it hard to bend over or stand for long periods of time- all things that are essential to housekeeping. He likes to point out that the house was a mess before I was pregnant, but, in my defense, it's hard to do by yourself. Both my husband and I get stressed out because the house is a mess and we just can't seem to get it under control. Unfortunately, feeling stressed and overwhelmed can lead to arguments. So, just recently, while feeling stressed, my husband yelled at me, "You have values! You're going to ruin our kids! You're a bad mom!" DEFLATE.

"You're a bad mom." "You're a bad mom." "You are a bad mom..." How do you come back from that? "You're a bad mom."

I'm not. I'm a good GREAT mom. My daughter is smart and sassy. She knows how much she is loved. We play and laugh and act silly. I'm a great mom. I may not be the best girl scout leader or the best wife or the best daughter or sister or friend or employee or house keeper or driver or planner, BUT I am a great mom and the best one for my girls.

I do want to find some order in my house, not for my husband, but for my kids. And myself. There is a great blog that I really like called Delightful Order. DaNita has a great entry on "Where and How to Begin Organizing Your Life". I think it's time that I find some order in our house. I've thought about where to start and I think the best place will be my daughter's room. 1.) Because her clothing is an issue- it's all over the house and I can't get around the toys to her dresser to put them away and 2.) Little Sister will be moving in there as soon as she is sleeping through the night. My husband has decided to do an all night clean, so I will stay up as late as I can with him and then he'll have to finish. Aly will have a sleepover with my mom. I'll let you know how it goes!

Anyone have any organizational tips? 

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