Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Letters to My Daughter

I've struggled with my weight since I was 10 years old and it's almost always gone up and never down. My mom used to yell at me that I would die young and I told her that I didn't care. But, now my life isn't mine. My life belongs to my daughter and the new child growing in me.
I joined a gym and gained weight. I stopped drinking pop (most of the time) and I gain weight. I don't buy chips, candy or cookies for the house and gained weight. I feel kinda hopeless.
I know it's kind of morbid, but I worry about dying and leaving my children, but not just because of my weight. People die unexpectedly every day. My step-nephew, at 17 years old, got in his truck to drive to work, hit black ice, ended up in a ditch, walked for help and later died from internal bleeding.
There's also been two incidents in the news where pregnant women ended up brain dead, so you never know. You never know.
 We never know when our number will be up. We like to think that we will die old, after a life well-lived, and that's probably true for most of us; but life doesn't come with a written guarantee.
We look forward and think about future milestones- when our kids graduate high school, go to college, start their careers, get married, have babies etc. We plan on being there, but it doesn't always happen. When I got engaged, I was so excited that my dad was doing well. He'd dance with me at my wedding (amid protest, cuz that wasn't his thing.) But he'd be there. Then, almost 6 months to the day, he had a stroke and didn't make it.
So, again, I don't want to be morbid, but I want to leave something for my kids. My own words, to tell them the things they need to know- how much I love them, how to know that person is "the one," how to parent a child, how important school is... When parents find out that they have a terminal illness, they create cards for their kids' birthdays, graduation, wedding days.. every milestone they will miss. Well, I suck at cards. I suck at pen and paper writing in general. Even before we had a computer, I sucked at it. I always wanted a pen pal, but then I learned that you have to write letters and I was all like, "screw that."
But, my blog, I can handle that. Maybe at some point, I'll turn them into a book for each of my kids.
So, welcome to my new series- Letters to my Children
My Dearest Aly,
My world started the moment I heard your first cry. When you cried, I cried. I held you all night long that first night. It took your dad a little longer to see the magic in you, but that's okay- Moms are born with their babies; Dad have to be cultivated and grown, but you can look at the pictures and tell he's smitten with you.

You are my best friend. You make me laugh and smile more than anyone else. It melts my heart when I heard you calling, "Nommy! Nommy!" I adore the way you wrap your arms around me and gently pat the backs of my arms (much like I pat your back, but your arms aren't long enough yet!) You're awful tight with hugs and kisses, so I appreciate them extra.

If for some reason, you're reading this and I'm no long here, know that my last thought will be about you are your sibling/s, because my life started with you and it will end with you. My love for you will keep us together until the end of time.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Writer's Workshop- Spoiled

I'm kinda a day late and a dollar short, but I wanted to join into Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week.
The Prompts:
1.) A blog post inspired by the word: Spoiled.
2.) A favorite candy when you were a child. Is it still a favorite?
3.) You know you’re getting old when…
4.) Something that frustrates you.
5.) A time a stranger helped you.
Before I was a mom, I said all those, "never"s and "always" that a non-mom says: "My children will NEVER sleep in my bed." "My children will always have a bedtime that we stick to." "My children will never watch tv." "My children aren't going to have a ton of toys." "We're not going to hold her while she sleep" (this one actually caused an argument in my hospital room when she was born. My MIL didn't like it when I told her to put the baby down.) Yeah, I know. Hilarious right? My kid is S-P-O-I-L-E-D!
Here she is eating take-out, in front of the tv, wearing mardi gras glasses, because she like sunglasses, so she has a billion pairs. Don't forget her beads and slap bracelets, because she likes those too and also has a billion or so.
She goes to sleep, most nights, in our bed and then we carry her to hers. Sometimes, she wakes up and gets back in bed with us. I always said that she would never sleep in our bed, but when you look into those sad, little eyes, you just melt into a puddle of goo.
Speaking of sleeping, she used to nap on top of my mom (and still does occasionally.) My mom blames it on the colic she had as a newborn.
My husband yells about the abundance of toys. Toys, toys, toys everywhere!
One of the first words she mastered- Cookies. And, hey, I'm a student of psychology, so I believe in positive reinforcement. "Here, kid, here's your cookie."
My mom just baked her cupcakes yesterday, because she kept following her around the kitchen saying, "cupcake." My mom rarely cooks or bakes, btw
The truth: I really don't care that she's spoiled. One day, she'll stop wanting to sleep in my bed. The toys will be replaced by electronics and she loves to eat fruits and veggies, so then, so what if she wants a cupcake or cookie?
My only concern is that her world is going to change in August when drumroll.....
her new brother or sister gets here!
Mama’s Losin’ It