Milestones

Life is full of milestones: first steps, first words, first day of preschool, preschool graduation, first date, first kiss, first day of high school, getting your licenses, high school graduation, going to college, graduating from college, turning 18, turning 21, turning 30, getting married, getting pregnant, having your first baby, having your other babies etc. The list goes on and on.

I wanted 3 kids. I thought about how full my kids' lives would be if they were a trio. I told my mom that it would be nice because if one turned out to be a jerk, they'd still have the other one. She laughed, figuring that I was referring to my older brother.

I also didn't want this to be my last pregnancy with all its milestones: last time "trying" (which doesn't take a lot of time for us), last first positive pregnancy test, last second, third, fourth... ahem... tenth positive pregnancy test, last surprise announcement, last first ultrasound, last time finding out the gender, last time someone will kick inside my belly, last time that a hospital stay will ever be like a vacation, last time counting someone's age in days... you get the idea.

I'm so frustrated with this pregnancy and the care I've gotten. The one doctor has been very rude. They won't let me VBAC. They're sending me to Magee Hospital for ultrasounds rather than doing them in the office for a bunch of bullshit reasons. One of them being that since I had to do an anatomy scan there (because the baby wouldn't roll over so the tech could get her spine), so the doctor told me that since I had a growth ultrasound at Magee, then I have to get all my growth u/s at Magee because they have a different growth scale. Sounds ridiculous to me.  Magee is at least an hour away, more depending on traffic. I have a job, yo.

I failed my one hour glucose test and have to go for the 3 hour now. My blood pressure was high. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed after this. I'm not bonding well with this baby now and I'm just a hot mess. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. I'm filled with dread about another c-section. I don't feel anything positive in any of this. "Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces."

I think it's time to consider a tubal ligation.

Writer's Workshop- Vacationing

The Prompts:
1.) A quote from someone that has stuck with you.
2.) List 13 things you love about vacation.
3.) Public speaking.
4.) Something you got away with.
5.) If your family were dogs, what breed would each of them be?


I miss vacations. We took a day trip to Hershey a few weekends ago, but we haven't had a real vacation in I don't know how long. This year, my husband's pap-pap offered to take us to the beach but he wants to go in early September and I'm having a c-section the beginning of August, so that won't be a feasible trip. Here's 13 things I love about vacation:

1.) I love history, so I'm all about the museums and such. We visited me nephew in Indiana a few years ago and went to the Louisville Slugger museum and that was awesome.

2.) I'm not at work.

3.) I can go back to work and feel more patient with our clients.

4.) My daughter gets excited about trips now. She's been telling me she wants to go to the zoo for a week.

5.) While my husband hates it, I love to stay in hotels.

6.) Speaking on hotels, I love getting great deals on the travel websites like hotels.com

7.) I like going somewhere warm, so SUNSHINE!

8.) we collect postcards, so I get to add new ones to my stash

9.) I get to sleep in!

10.) Someone else does the cooking.

11.) Sightseeing

12.) Sightseeing!

13.) Spending time with my family :-)

What your favorite place you've vacationed?

Writer's Workshop- That problem with my wedding dress

1.) List your top 6 biggest fears, choose one and tell us why.
2.) Whose fault was it?
3.) Share a favorite recipe.
4.) Something you’re reading.
5.) Write about a wardrobe malfunction.

Nearly 5 years ago, I took a boy and decided to shape him into a man married him. FIVE years next month. Holy cow. It really seems like yesterday.

My wedding went pretty well. I wouldn't say "it went off without a hitch," because we had some moments. One of them being a Bride's Wardrobe Malfunction.

For starters, I have to say that I LOVED my wedding dress. I'd picked a similar one when I planned my dream wedding in college. You know, before I was even dating my husband.... oh, what I could have done with Pinterest then....

It was by Alfred Angelo and I loved it. My only beef was that the girls at the Alfred Angelo's store ordered it a size too small, so I have to pay to have it let out. (They also tried to order my bridesmaid's dress in a 24 when she needed an 18. So, apparently, you've got to watch them.) I was really excited about the eggplant trim and the embroidery on the front. It also had a beautiful corset style back in eggplant.

My wedding theme was a Disney Fairy Tale, so I was really excited when I found a Mickey and Minnie garter set on Ebay. The problem was, that it was too small for my leg, so my BFF's mom took the bride's garter and the toss garter and opened them up and sewed them both together again, so that it wold fit my leg.

(You can't bend over in a corset dress, FYI)

So, we were in the middle of our Unity Sand thingy-ba-do and I felt my garter start to slide down my leg! No fear, I had a floor length dress on, so I'd just casually kick it off.... 

It would have probably worked too, if my bridesmaids wouldn't have busted out laughing, which make me explode in laughter. So, I did the only thing I could think of when I was staring out at a church full of confused faces...

I loudly announced: 

"I'm losing my clothes!"

I walked away from that day with the best wedding advice I can give to a bride-to-be: Things will go wrong on your wedding day, but just kick 'em off, laugh loudly and have the best day of your life!

Writer's Workshop- A Day in Chocolate Town!

I've been slacking again on my blog (sorry, growing a human is time-consuming!)

 

But, I did manage to take a recent trip (just this weekend!) But I'm limited on pictures, since I forgot the camera.

 

1.) Let’s reminisce about the last trip you took…pictures please!

2.) Ask a parent to describe what you were like as a small child (under the age of 7), do you still have the same tendencies?

3.) Begin with “I wish someone told me…”

4.) Write a poem about a fight you or someone you love has struggled to win.

5.) List 10 things you love about your favorite show.

 

We went to Hershey, PA on Sunday. My husband shoots competitively and he wanted to go to a match outside of the Chocolate Capital of the World. Because of our pets, it takes massive coordination to go on an overnight trip, so we opted to just make the 7 hour round trip in one day. With a 2 year old. Easy peasy, right? Well, surprisingly, it kinda was!

 

We left home at 430am. Hopped on the PA turnpike and cruised along, all alone on the road. Because, who else is on the turnpike that early on a Sunday morning? The kidlet slept most of the way.

 

We made it 2.5 hours into our trip before I needed to pee, which I thought was very impressive!

 

We stopped in Hershey at Wal-mart to use an actual flush toilet, because the sportsman club only has portapotties and who wants to do that when you don't have to?

 

The kidlet and I dropped her dad off and headed back towards Hershey. We stopped at McD's, ate breakfast and headed to ZooAmerica! ZooAmerica is a small wildlife center that has animals from North America. Since we have a membership to the Pittsburgh Zoo, we got a 50% deal on our visit there, getting us in for a mere $6.04! We were on limited time, so we didn't linger for long periods at the animals, since we had to pick up kidlet's dad at noon. But, we made it through in about an hour and had time to stop and see all the critters and even had time to feed the ducks!

 

The biggest drawback was that their parking lot was under construction, so we had to park at the top of the hill on Chocolate Ave and then walk down to the zoo. The walk down wasn't bad, but the walk back up nearly killed this pregnant mama! Well, maybe not kill, but I was huffin' and a puffin'.

 

If you're planning a trip to Hershey, I would recommend a visit to this zoo. I wouldn't necessarily plan a trip JUST for this zoo, but it is a nice change of pace from lions, tigers and elephants that you see at traditional zoos. This zoo also put you much closer to the animals than we've experienced at Pittsburgh Zoo. One of my favorite parts was being able to see the river otters cuddled up together in their log! They also have a "Desert at Night" exhibit where all the enclosures are darkened so you get to see the nocturnal animals awake! They had ringtails, ferrets, a fox and a coati (as well as some other cuddlies and creepy crawlies!) who were running around and VERY active. I figure they turn on all the lights at night, so the critters sleep.

 

 

As soon as I lifted her up to look through the glass, she exclaimed, "Alligators!"

 

 

Bald Eagles always impress me in person. They are HUGE!

 

 

"Wake up!" The deer didn't care.

 

 

 

After we picked up Dad we went to Chocolate World and bought some factory fresh Kisses (I got coconut crème Kisses. Amazing!) There really is nothing like candy straight from the factory. I'm not a Twizzler's fan, but they are delicious from the factory. We took the factory tour ride, got our chocolate sample and started our trip back home.

 

 

I think old Chocolate Face enjoyed her trip to Hershey!

 

 

 

 

What is the hardest job?

Did you think I was going to say motherhood? Because that's what I thought of when I saw a similar headline on a blog that I frequent. I'm sure most of you have seen the viral video where American Greetings posted a job opening for a job. The #Worldstoughestjob included: no pay, no vacation time, 24 hour on call schedule, requires a high level of stamina, and no breaks just to name a few requirements of the job. I've noticed a trend in the mommy-blogging community where moms are discussing how hard the job on mom is- mom has to be the housekeeper, cook, chauffeur, nursemaid, referee etc and honestly, I'm starting to roll my eyes at it a bit.

Now don't get me wrong, your life does a complete 180* when you have a kid. I used to take naps after work before my daughter was born. That doesn't happen anymore. My husband and I would lounge around in bed on weekends and laugh and talk and that can't happen anymore, because the slightest noise will wake the kidlet up. I could quickly stop at the store on my way to work to grab a cappuccino or pick up something for lunch. I got to sleep an hour later than I do now, because I went straight to work and didn't have to wrestle a sleeping toddler into a winter coat, carry her 33 pound, lifeless, little body to the car and drive her to my mom's house. If I was tired at night, I went to bed. I didn't have to wait for someone to give up the "I'm never going to go to sleep and you can't make me" fight. Oh, and don't get me started on what happens to your sex life when you have to choose between sex and sleep when the wee one finally gives up the aforementioned good fight. (Hint: sleep usually wins. This is why I recommend waiting a few years to have kids! Take the time to bang each other silly ;-) )

But when people talk about it being the hardest or toughest job, I don't know if I buy it. Sure, I have less "me" time and I get less sleep. I'm constantly tripping over toys and stepping on blocks. Oh, and don't forget that a large chunk of the digital entertainment in my house is cartoons... I could think of a lot of jobs that I'd rather not do... like the guy who came and pumped our septic tank. On the scales of tough or hard, I'd give it to that guy. I mean, I have to deal with poop regularly, but it all belongs to my kid and not a bunch of strangers (and it's usually contained inside her diaper). I worked for the Department of Transportation one summer and I worked in sweltering heat, in jeans and vinyl leg warmer type things. I was constantly stung by bees. I would have to hold my pee for an extraordinarily long time... I'd have to say that was a tougher job than my experience with being a mom.

Maybe I don't have the best sample pool. My daughter has slept through the night since she was 3 weeks old. Sure, she had colic and that was hard. I was a new mom and an inconsolable baby is crazy scary, but once she went to sleep, she stayed asleep. She's good at entertaining herself. She'll happily stack blocks, ride her tricycle between the living room and kitchen for an hour, draw on her chalkboard, throws her garbage away, puts her shoes by the door... heck, she even likes to push the swiffer mop across the kitchen and will ask for it when the dogs have tracked muddy footprints across the floor. And there are some days where I need to call my husband and find out how long until he's done at work, because if he's going to be too long, he may come home to find her duct taped in the closet (luckily for her, we don't have closets). But those days are few and far in between and usually happen when she can't control the urge to splash in (or drink from) the dogs water bowl. The biggest "negative" is the bedtime fight, which leaves me dragging and without a lot of evening free time. But I can't really blame her for that. I could work harder to establish a bedtime routine, which would probably ease some of the bedtime drama. I could also start earlier and have her in bed before 9pm, leaving myself some free time. Of course, things will come up. She'll get sick and I'll sit up all night rocking her (and worrying, don't forget the worrying). She'll have nightmares and crawl into bed with us. And Heaven help us, she'll grow into a teenager one day. But stuff happens in a "normal" job. After all, I work into mental health, so I've seen people smash windows with their head, talk to people who i can't see, have full on out screaming fits and threaten us with bodily harm, so again, I may not have the best pool.

I do have to end this with saying that I don't think parenthood is for everyone. It changes your life. It changes your hopes for the future. It changes your goals. Your life is no longer yours and yours alone. It changes how you spend your money and your time. It changes how you travel and the types of vacations you take. I think it's wrong to assume that all women are cut out to be mothers and that all women should be mothers or want to be mothers or that childless women will regret it later in life if they don't have children or that, as mothers, we should pity the childless woman. I don't think that having kids makes you happy, I think that following your dreams makes you happy. My dreams just happened to lead me to a sweet, quiet, brown-eyed girl who has an eerie resemblance to me and her little sister who already seems feistier than her big sis and will probably make me change my whole outlook on how "tough" being a mom is!

DISCLAIMER: Before you send me hate mail and tell me how hard it is for you and yadda yah. I'm not dissing moms in anyway. I especially admire the moms who have special needs kiddos and have given up most of their self to help their kid(s) live a fulfilling life. If you need an example, just read about January Schofield, a now-teenager who has been struggling with schizophrenia since she was a toddler. Her parents got different apartments in the same complex- one for each of their children and mom and dad switched back and forth between them. I realize that some parents face more challenges than others and I give you props for the struggles that you experience. Sometimes, parenting sucks and can suck bad, but we do it every day for the same reason- we love our kids more than anything else in the world. Shalom.

I think I have PTFD

PTFD- Post-traumatic Fat Disorder

I've come to terms with my weight. Would I like to lose some? Absolutely! But I don't hate myself because of it. However, clothes shopping can make my embrace waiver and it goes back to growing up.

I didn't know plus-sized stores existed. I didn't think that they sold jeans to fit me (and I was an 18 then!) Okay, I take that back. I knew jeans with elastic waistbands fit me, but those are old lady jeans. So, instead of jeans, I wore stirrup pants. Cuz, you know, that was waaaaayyyy cooler than old lady jeans. But they fit.

I'm okay with top shopping, but when it comes time to get bottoms, I panic. They have to be *just right* and never, ever have elastic waistbands, because I'm still not old. My husband's grandfather wanted to buy me jeans for Christmas one year, so I told him what size and that I didn't like elastic in the waistband. His old bitty of a girlfriend went shopping for him and bought me jeans with an elastic waistband. When I asked for the receipt to return them, she said "When someone is your size, they have to have elastic waistbands!"  Screw you, bitch. None of my other jeans do and they are my size.

I'm really freaking out now though and dealing with body image issues because of my pregnancy. With my daughter, I lost 18 pounds and didn't start to gain until my 3rd trimester, so my pants fit me well into summer. I didn't need to buy pants until it got warm, so I bought several pairs of cotton capris with elastic waistbands (which is okay, it's just jeans that give me trouble.) Well, now this is baby number 2 and I popped out way sooner and even though I did lose 15 pounds, it's already coming back (thankfully, very slowly) and I've found myself in unbuttoned blue jeans with 2inches of snow on the ground.

I refuse to buy fat pants. 

Letter to my Second Child- Gender

My Dearest Baby,

I'm going this afternoon for my anatomy ultrasound and will hopefully find out if you are a girl or a boy. That is assuming that you'll show us, because you are quite the spunky little mover and enjoy kicking me hard in the bladder. I have a feeling that you are a boy and, I shouldn't tell you this, but that scares me some. Not that I love you any less for it, because I love you and your sister more than anything; but because I don't know how to raise a boy. I'm a girl, I have a girl, I'm a Girl Scout Leader, most of my friends are girls. I know girls. I don't know boys, so how can I raise you without you feeling hurt or left out if I can't relate to you.

I know I'm probably over thinking this (which I usually do) because women everywhere raise boys- single child boys, boys with brothers, boys with sisters, boys with both brothers and sisters... and they turn out okay.

I guess it's not so much having a boy, it's my fear of being able to raise a boy to be a man. Because honestly, not all boys grow up to be men. I want to raise you to be respectful, but not afraid to express yourself. I want you to treat women gentlemanly, but I don't want you to look at them as weaker and needing to be submissive to you. I want you to learn to listen to others' thoughts, concerns and opinions and care about how they feel. I want you to date "nice girls" and not skanky ones that you only date so you can bang them in the backseat of the car (which will probably be the 1994 Escort, because that thing is never going to die.) I want you to have passions and interests and follow your heart. I want you to be driven and motivated. I don't want your world to be ruled by beer, or cigarettes or god-forbid, drugs. I want you to be strong enough and convicted enough to say no. I want you to be able to say no to your friends when you don't agree with what they are doing.

I want you to be close to your sister and trust each other and support each other. I want you to grow up and talk on the phone or go out to lunch with each other. Your uncle was grown by the time I was born, so that's a dynamic I don't understand, so how can I teach it to you?

I hope I do right by you, baby. I want you to know how special you are and I hope I can help you grow into the man you're meant to be.

Love, Mom.